Good morning all my brothers and sisters in Christ! It is a beautiful fallish yet wintery day! A few snowflakes, a hot cup of coffee, a good book(Bible), life is good!
Well, yesterday was awful!!! Awful! Awful! I'm usually very optimistic but yesterday was, WOW! But today is looking good! And I can relay to you that all of this praying, reading, and learning has really helped my attitude when the bad stuff happens. What a difference a difference can make!
So how are you! Can you believe that we're on the edge of the holiday season! Man, I'm so excited! I can't wait to smell cookies baking and see Christmas lights out and on! It wasn't always a merry occasion, though.
I wanted so much to love the holidays. To experience all the joys and fun. But unfortunately, after trying so hard to not eat cookies and holiday desserts, I would. And alot of them. Then feel terrible inside and out. And I would try so hard to stay in the moment if we were invited to Christmas parties and at school parties. I wanted it to be about friends and family. But just like clock work, I would find myself at the dessert table eating. Eating and talking. Eating and laughing. But all the time eating. It was a safe place, if you can believe that. And then, feel awful inside and out again. And again, and again. . . .
The things that are supposed to make gatherings fun can be our(my) worst enemy! So back to the temple of doom thingy.
There was a time when I hated myself. Everything about myself. From a youngster. I saw how the teachers and other kids acted toward the cute popular kids. I even noticed how parents, my parents acted toward those cute kids! And remember that kid that molested me. He was always so nice to the cool and cute girls. I hated that my hair wasn't long and that my mom didn't try new things with my hair. I hated her hair also. She was so not in style. I hated how I dressed and the clothes my mom would buy. They were not what was popular. Then as I got older I hated my body. I hated my period. I hated getting old. And, let me tell ya, God does answer prayers and you do need to think about what your praying.
I was the first girl to get hippy. You know, my figure was a changen! I, being extremely insecure due to previous situations, hated it! I was one of the first girls to need a bra and I remember praying at night that God would not let, you know, them grow any more!!! Yes, Virginia, He answers prayers. Thanks God! As I entered high school and then college I was totally stuck on what I saw in magazines and on TV. I mean stuck! I was and could not make myself that way no matter how hard I tried. I hated it.
Then I had babies and looked at the pregnant women in pictures and on shows and they were so beautiful and cute. I was fat. I loved having a baby inside me. But I hated that my ankles were not small, thin, and cute in my flats! I felt like a beached whale surrounded by beautiful angelic women who gracefully floated by with their cute little tummies and their oh so cute clothes. Awe! Oh, I hated myself. Why would anyone love me? I had nothing with "self" in it! Don't get me wrong I loved being pregnant, just not my body! I had a temple of doom.
I wish I knew then what I know now! I am beautiful and so are you! My body is not perfect. But it is perfectly made by God. I'm able to care for my children and my husband. I'm able to help and love others. I am even able to be loved.
So many of our life expectations revolve around these insignificant ideals. So how do I break through this?
I stopped watching TV for the most part. I read a lot. I read the Bible, Joyce Meyers, health books, that kind of stuff. I have started noticing how my body feels rather then what it looks like. Instead of worrying about what I'm going to wear, oh my, I dream of hobbies that I could probably dabble in. I make myself think about fun stuff. Good stuff. And I pray. I have to rewire my brain. It is possible. So this body, not so much the temple of doom any more. It's a work in progress. It will require up keep for the rest of my life, inside and out. My heart, soul and spirit will require constant attention. I am in the process of turning all of my life over to God. I can't think of a better way of living my life.
So peace to all of you! Have a great day! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
Blessings ~ Becca
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