Good morning to all my Brothers and Sisters in Christ! IT'S FRIDAY!
How are you all feeling? Are you stressed or have you been able to find rest in the love that Jesus has for you? I hope you have found peace with yourself and with those surrounding you! These past few days have been amazing! I've actually had to follow through with the advice I've been posting! And man what a difference a difference can make! There have been moments of insanity, but through talking with you all and knowing that I'm not alone has helped. I hope you have been reassured also! God loves you!
Today for my devotion I read the story about Jesus healing the demon-possessed man. It represents to me my internal bondage. I'll share a little of that chapter with you. But I encourage you to read it on your own. It's from the book of Mark 5:1-13. Here we go: Jesus helped a man who was acting insanely. "This man lived among the burial caves and could no longer be restrained, even with a chain(my eating disorder and fighting it on my own). Whenever he was put into chains and shackles - as he often was- he snapped the chains from his wrists and smashed the shackles. No one was strong enough to subdue him(nothing I could come up with on my own could help. I continued to fall back into the trap of binging and purging, and then hating myself). Day and night he wandered among the burial caves and in the hills, howling and cutting himself with sharp stones(my eating disorder had me isolating myself from everyone. I went through rages thinking that this life was unfair, people didn't treat me like I wanted to be treated. I then would feel bad about my fits and would feel ashamed, then eat. . . .. )." Jesus went into the graveyard and assessed the situation. He dealt with the forces of darkness that were afflicting the man and restored him to sanity. He then sent him home to his friends to tell them what God had done for him. (Here I am!)
We may have gone so far into our addictive behaviors that we have broken all restraints. We struggle to be free from the control of society and even loved ones, only to discover that our bondage doesn't come from the outside world. All hope seems lost, but where there is still life, there is still hope. God can touch our insanity and restore us to sanity.
Only God has the power to change us. He is so amazing! Unfortunately, I have to do the work! I have to fight to keep God first in my life. And it can be damn hard! My insecurities pop out of no where, and if I'm not fast enough to squash them, they can instantly take over. So as part of my recovery I am making new habits of singing songs that praise God over and over, even if I don't know the whole song. I am making the habit to read my bible, read my God messages, anything that has to do with God's love first thing in the morning and then several times through out the day. Something as small as saying "God is so amazing" over and over again can really change my attitude when things get rough. I have to do the work!
And also, it's scary for me to admit this, but understanding that when I go ahead and do the things I know God doesn't want me to do, I'm sinning! Yikes, it was better when I was ignorant, then I felt like I was getting away with it! Just kidding! I wouldn't go back to those days for anything. But God knows that it will be hard and so he has promised to help us and take care of us. We must keep fighting the good fight! It will get better, in fact, it will be great!
I encourage you to read your bible. I encourage you to put God first. I'm telling you, you wont regret it!
Noth'in but love for you all! Have a great Friday! And may the Good Lord bless and keep you!
Blessings ~ Becca
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