How to love your self?!

Good morning to all my brothers and sisters in Christ!  How are we feeling today?  How was your weekend?

Mine was interesting!  I came face to face with responsibility.

You know, God is pretty smart!  He knows exactly what we need, even if it's painful!  But, the good news is that I'm really happy that the Good Lord stepped in when He did.  Before I would have figured He hated me.  That I really was a good for nothin, taking up space, loser.  Now, I actually feel relieved!  He brought an issue out into the open for me to take responsibility for and opened communication up between my husband and I.

See, my husband didn't know how extreme my eating disorder was.  I had taken it upon myself to take care of the problem without letting him in!  I bought a lot of healthy stuff that I thought would help me get over the hump and all it did was charge up our credit card and upset my dear husband.  Needless to say, he was very upset with my purchases and with me.

He still does not fully understand what an eating disorder is.  He feels that it is a habit that can be broken.  Not easily but still a habit that can be taken care of with will-power.  I wish it was that easy.  And I also wish that I had talked to him earlier.  But really, I'm not sure if it would have helped.  Really, I think this has all happened for a reason.  I had, had to read books and strengthen my faith in the Good Lord.  I had to go through these things in order to figure myself out.  I had to learn to take responsibility and find confidence in God's love for me before jumping into the lion's den(talking to the hubby!).

The only thing I would change is the fact that the only reason my disorder came up was because he saw that I had gone over the limit on our card.  I wish, and I did think about doing this, I had the nerve to just sit down with him and tell him about everything.  Man, I'll be honest, I was and still am embarassed by this.  It's hard to admit that your not in control of something, let alone food.  And I thought he would think less of me.  That he would question why he was with me.  One more thing, right!  But that faulty thinking got me a husband that doesn't trust me with money and thinks that I'm very irresponsible.

Yikes!

I have faith in God that everything will work out, though!  I'm thankful for all the teachings I have read in the Bible about life and the decisions I make!  I'm not crying in the corner, wondering if my husband is going to leave me.  As I would have before.  I'm not running for a bag of chips or doughnuts to ease my pain!   What did I do?  I woke up this morning.  I exercised.  The coffee was done, so I got me a cup and sat down to read my Bible!  Then I kissed my husband goodbye as he left for work.  Got the kids ready for school and even took the little guys to school by bike power!  These are my accomplishments.

I feel terrible about the credit card.  I feel worse about the fact that I did this behind my husbands back.  I pray that he will forgive me and trust me again.  I love him!

I know that I have to seek out help with this evil disorder by reading more, learning more, and relying on God.  I know that I'm important and so is my health.  As well as my families.  And that it's okay to make health and wellness a priority.  I just have to do it the right way!

Don't hide today, my friends!  You are special!  Be who you are!  Don't let fear make you do something that you will regret.  Don't let the fear of what others will think sabotage your efforts on being a better, healthier you!  God loves you!  He thinks you are top dog!  Love yourself and love all those around you!  Good things will happen!

Breath, pray, love!  Breath, pray, love!  Breath, pray, love!  Doing it is easier than saying it three times fast!  So do it!

Have a great Monday my friends!  My the Good Lord bless and keep you!

Blessings ~ Becca