Good morning to all my Brothers and Sisters in Christ!  It's such a beautiful Tuesday!  I hope you all are doing well!

I would like to apologize for not keeping up with our daily discussions.  Man, my schedule has really been thrown off here lately!  I'm almost done with my school stuff and soon the holidays will be over and I'll get back on track!

Getting back on track!


I'm a very black and white person when it comes to myself.  I give others a break, but for myself I'm like a cruel boss with a wipe!  If things don't go exactly the way I have planned, I fall apart.  It's the truth.  I'm not good at rolling with my punches.  But with others I am.  Weird, huh?

My husband can come home and totally change our plans and I'm okay.  But if I don't get everything done the way I have planned, I, not as much as I used to, through up my hands and give up.  I'm still struggling with following my dreams and following through with the things that I think God wants.  My kids, the dog, anything really that interrupts what I'm doing will soon take precedents.

I don't want to seem selfish.  But maybe I am.

You know, I don't know my place in the world yet.  My place with God and what He wants me to be.  I'm getting there but still being held back by stuff.  I don't know if it was the sexual abuse, but at times I feel trapped as a child kind of.  Let me explain.  I feel like everyone has authority over me.  Or that everyone else is more important.  Or maybe I just need more backbone!

I'm a person who wants everyone to be happy.  If my husband comes home and is uptight or grumpy, you know what, I think it's because of me.  I did something.  And that's a very selfish way to live.  Thinking that everything revolves around ME!  Not that I want it to revolve around me, but I feel like I'm always doing things wrong.  Everyone else has life in order.  Except me.   Is that a childish attitude?.  I'm not sure but I am rewiring my brain, heart, and soul to be in tune with God.  So this too shell pass!

I am getting better.  The reading I've done, the messages I've heard, the love of God shining through others has made such an enormous impact on me!  I feel that I am truly blessed!  But I realize that I have a long ways to go.

But God loves me now and I know that others do also!

I love reading Hosea 11:1-11 - The Lord's love for Israel!

God asks, "Oh, how can I give you up. . . ?  How can I let you go?  How can I destroy you. . . . ?  My heart is torn within me, and my compassion overflows. . . For I am God and not a mere mortal.  I am the Holy One Living among you,(love that!) and I will not come to destroy"

I love that scripture because I know now that He doesn't want me to be perfect.  He knows that I can't.  But, man, He's still giving me the chances to improve!  He loves me and wants whats best for me!

I started out, around Thanksgiving, with a great attitude about the upcoming holidays.  I had these wonderful thoughts of being in control and even though I didn't think that they were expectations, I did make expectations for myself.  And, around the mountain I went again.  Things started getting away from me.  My beautiful and wonderful children got sick with this or that, and I smiled and comforted them.  Because I love them and want them to be better and all this other stuff is just that, other stuff.

But soon I was only smiling on the outside.  Dishes piled up.  The dog went through the trash.  My stinking sink got plugged up and after several bottles of draino, we finally got rid of the clog.  Okay, so I'm a little behind on my baking, it's okay.  Oh, you need me to sew your slipper, okay, I'll do it tonight.  Sorry I forgot about your slipper.  And you need cookies for class tomorrow!? Mom, where is that paper I sat on the table, I need it for class!  I'm sorry, I haven't seen a paper.  Oh you sat it there last week. . . great!  I'm not sure where it's at but we'll find it.  Oh, I mean I'll find it!

My smile, gone!  LOL!  That's life!  I had forgotten what the most important things were.  God was showing me once again that He's in control and I am not!

Things will happen.  Good, bad, and very, very ugly!  But it doesn't matter.  What does matter is our discipline and self-control to stay on God's path.

The cookie idea was awesome, but worldly.  God wants me to give to others, which includes my family!  Let things fall where they may.  If I'm doing what I feel is right to God and being moved by God, then how can I go wrong!

It's important for me to make priorities.  It's great for me to set boundaries.  It's even okay to put myself first, if I do it God's way.

I guess what I'm getting at is that, although, those things that I had romantically set up in my mind were not bad and that I had wanted to do them for others, I should not have gotten so bent out of shape when other things came up!  I forgot to breath.  I skipped my walks with God because I felt I had to much to do.  See, I changed my relationship with God by putting these other things first.

LOL!  

That's the secret!  Learning the balance!  Discipline, respect, self-control, responsibility, love.  If God is in all that, then watch out world!  Here we come!

I have a ton of stuff to do!  And I might get it all done and I might not!  But the most important things are taken care of!  My heart is at peace and God is stirring in it!!  My smile is back, and I can't help it!

My Brothers and Sisters, have peace.  The Good Lord is here and will take care of us!

Part of Hosea 11:9, "I am God and not a mere mortal.  I am the Holy One living among you, and I will not come to destroy."  I love that!  He is here!

God bless and keep you my friends!  Let yourselves be a light to others in this present darkness!

Love, Peace, and Blessings ~ Becca