Most of us would rather forget the past, our mistakes, our sins, how we have hurt others and ourselves. But on this walk with God, He sometimes tells us that in order to help others we need to talk about our pasts!
Wow, you say! Why would I want anyone to know that stuff about me? They would hate me or reject me!
But honesty about what we've done and where we've been can be so hopeful to someone who really needs to know that they are not alone. To see that we all make mistakes. And, darn it anyways, we will again. There are four things in life that we can count on: God loves us unconditionally, we will always be sinners, we will pay taxes, and we will die! (Little humor)
So here it goes!
I was sexually abused when I was a child and it greatly affected what I thought love was and how to love. You see I felt very important to this person when we were together. But when out in public, this person was cruel. There was name calling, hurtful words, and gossiping. So I felt like I could only be good for one thing. Even the love from my parents and family was tainted. What was love?
As I got closer to junior high school I began to "fill out." I was probably a very normal and healthy girl at that time. But I was not a bean pole like most of my friends. I remember my mother telling me that my father had noticed that I was forming breasts and that I needed a training bra. Oh my goodness! My father noticed! What! (See my view of myself was that of discontent)
Then a short time later my mother again told me that my father had noticed that I had "camel toe." And that I wore my jeans to tight. What! Camel toe! Oh my goodness, I must be disgusting! I was not like the other girls! That was it! I needed to be like them and then I would be loved!
That's it! Right there! That was the moment that my eating disorder began. . . . . . .
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